The Haircut That Made Me Realize The Power In My Queerness

I’m a Trans person. A Trans person who only recently fake out, rather late in life (by many peoples arbitrary standards). I identify mostly as a guy but still identify as a girl as well. I suppose technically, one might refer to me as non-binary or genderqueer. I recently started using the name Adrien and asking that people use they/them or he/him pronouns for me. A process that has been extremely difficult, and even shameful for me.

As a Trans person, there is a lot of pressure to “look cis” as an indication that one is a “successful” Trans person. This afternoon, I took the scissors to my shoulder-length hair and chopped it off as close to the scalp as possible. Does it “look good?” Do I look like a hottie? Not really. But that’s not where my power as a TS person lay. I’m a fat boy with 44 J tits and I wear leggings to make room for my FUPA (fat above the pussy, as Cardi B coined it). Then there’s my short hair and big, unplucked eyebrows, and what Tyra Banks would call my “five-head.” I don’t look attractive by traditional society’s standards. I look weird and confusing. As you perhaps can see by my Medium profile picture, I used to look very different and stayed this way for way longer than I wanted to because for a long time I rather be a “normal” looking cis woman than a weird and ugly looking person who is visibly Queer.